ACT 05: Screwed Up

“But if I let you go,

I will never know,

What my life would be,

Holding you close to me,

Will I ever see?

You smiling back at me,

How will I know?

If I let you go…”

Chorus from the song by Westlife; If I Let You Go filled up the space of my bedroom. I leaned against the wall, looking outside of my room where I saw 2 pigeons relaxing on an Oak tree. “Will I ever see, you smiling back at me…How will I know?” The lyric deeply struck my heart. What have I done?! Gaps… The song continued playing “Seasons in the Sun”. I flew 2 or 3 months back.

The song entitled, Lucky by Json Mraz and Colbie Caillat aired by Fly.fm which was my favorite radio station. “Hey Slay, do you think that I’ll be lucky enough to falling love with my best friend?” I spoke to Slay through the phone. He laughed at me and asked me whether I had fallen in love with someone. I didn’t think so. But deep in my heart, I thought so. “Hee…Hee…maybe,” I said. “So, let me guess then. Is the person has blonde long hair and a pair of glazing blue eyes?” I didn’t reply him as fast as he thought I will. However, I cackled a bit had made him assume my answer as “YES”.

She’s the only best friend that I have. I didn’t know since when did I start to have feelings on her. This South Bay View-born girl has her own characters that I adore. Chinese mix blood, good looking and has a fair family background. However, that’s not the facts why did I love her. I love when she is smiling. It’s so sweet. Soft-spoken, determined and a child-loving person. Usually, when I hanged out with the boys, her name often being spoken among us. Why? Sophie was admired by most of us. I just smiled. Gladfully, I’m her best friend after all.

So, when I told Slay that I admired only Sophie, he said that he would help me in this because I didn’t dare enough and didn’t know how could I tell her about my feelings. “Don’t worry dude. I’ll help. One day, I am sure that she’ll be yours as you’ve seek the Guru which is me to help you…HA! HA! HA!” We both burst out a loud laugh.

Slay helped me a lot to get Sophie. We both pretended that I didn’t know that Slay was helping me and I thought that Sophie wouldn’t discover that Slay and I were in the same team! PLAN A…succeeded. It was 2 weeks before Christmas. I thought that it would be the best time to tell her about my feelings by myself. However, bad luck! She started to avoid me! (At once, I guessed that she knew about the plans between me and Slay). So, I didn’t have any chance to tell her. Since that day, dark clouds covered my sky.

It was spring already which means only a few weeks left before the Master Examination! Quite a big problem for me, I guessed. I believed that I could make it. However, I still didn’t have any answer to get rid these dark clouds (to find the solution between me and her). As usual, I switched my stereo up to its volume limit and suddenly song from One Republic played. “It’s too late to apologize…It’s too late…” I quickly muted the stereo. Damn! How could the stereo read my feelings?! Creepy… So, I skipped the track and played song by Jojo, “Too Little Too Late”.

Arghh!! I have to overcome this. Sophie, please tell me what should I do to make you smile back at me? I hate every time you show me your sour face (no smile at all). Please don’t be too serious. Then, I took out a piece of paper and wrote something and hoping that Sophie would read it if I handed it to her later.

“Sophie, I knew that I had made a lot of mistakes to you. I am the one who made our friendship became like this. I realized that I shouldn’t do that to you. From the bottom of my heart, I wanted to say sorry to you for all my wrong doings. I knew that I have too over the limit and I don’t have my guts to say sorry to you. I hoped that you’ll accept my apologize and please tell me what should I do to bring back our friendship.  Sincerely, I am begging you to forgive me and I really need you, best friend. However, I know that it would be hard for you to forgive me. So, it’s up to you then.”

I’m screwed up. Served me right! If I knew this was going to happen, I won’t do anything! I was confused. Now, I just want everything to be normal again like before. I really hope that Sophie will smile back to me. That’ll be just enough. However, Sophie keeps showing me her sour-looking and serious face. She didn’t want to talk to me at all. Every night before sleep I’ll pray, “ I wish I had never done that”.

*All characters are not related to anyone alive or dead.

This is just a piece of mind…